So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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