you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
