That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...