So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.