that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm just crazy horny about you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.