Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
