i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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