STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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