Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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