So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
