your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
