I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
