i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
