Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
