She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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