I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
