omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
