Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am available for nakedness
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize