When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
