I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
