It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
