if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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