Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The uberlube is also flammable
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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