I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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