Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just cropdusted the office
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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