You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
