If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
