Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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