I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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