he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
