you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize