I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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