Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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