dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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