the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
