I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
