I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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