maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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