The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
