you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
