I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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