Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
