I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Come share oat with me in your robe
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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