I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the night ended with taco bell and tears
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
