we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
