Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
