my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
