Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
