he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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