so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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