I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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