Will you blow on my dice?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My vagina is officially offended.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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