When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My dick has a subreddit
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
