maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
