she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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