Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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