our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
