Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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