I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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