I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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