OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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