do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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