Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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