watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
