know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
