Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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