I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
