Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
