Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
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I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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