So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
