I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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