I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
